Sloppy Saturday

Just another Sloppy Saturday brought to you by Quiznos.

Target Acquired

Activate Smash Mode

Initiate Blackout Mode


Once again, the amount of slop is too much for the smash brothers to handle.

B holes vs Cini minis

After watching those amazing ads for Hardee's B holes, I had to try a box (I guess I'm a sucker for suggestive ads). Instead of just buying a box of brown balls, I decided to put them up against another popular mini breakfast dunkable; the cini mini from BK.

Popping the tops
Time to drop the tops and reveal the treasures hidden within. The Hardee's box comes with 6 balls, or you can upgrade to a 12 banger. BK's box comes in the form of a 4 pack with no upgrade available. The b hole chest is rather loose with a ton of headroom causing the balls to roll and bounce all over the place, struggling to find a fit. The cini package is nice and tight with the 4 buns comfortably nested leaving little wiggle room. Also something to note, the cini crate has a fully perforated hinge so you could remove the lid and use it as a serving tray. Breakfast in bed for an extremely lucky individual.

Glamour shots
Close ups to give you a better idea of what you're slapping into your taste factory. The b holes look dusty with a hardened exterior shell. The cini minis have a nice gloss finish to make them appear moist and sticky. Both look as if they could make a mess if you're not careful and controlled with your dunking.

Testing the dunk
Hardee's throws in a cup of icing that appears to be somewhat of an after thought. Simply a condiment thrown into the bag with little care as to wether it's used or not. BK incorporates it's icing bucket directly into the box by giving it it's own personal holster so you will never be without your cup-o-cream. The icing from Hardee's is very thin and transparent, almost watery. The mouth of the bucket is rather large and with the b holes being on the smaller side, you're bound to loose a thumb in the deep end. BK's icing has much more body to it. It coats the bun rather than simply adding a layer of shine. BK's smaller cream pool and larger cinnamon mouth piece forces the handler to do some cramming when it comes to scraping up the last bit of frost.

Verdict

Both breakfast treats were rather dry, with the cini minis being slightly drier. The thicker frosting that accompanies BK's dry buns definitely helps reduce the problem. The b holes had a slightly crunchy shell and were overall chewier than expected. The b holes tasted like a ball of batter fried to hell and back, dusted slightly with a pinch of cinnamon. Did I mention the balls were chewy? The cini minis simply tasted like dried out, day old cinnamon rolls; to be expected. Surprisingly, the b holes smelled strangely similar to a 100% angus burger, not saying it really hurt the situation, just odd. The cini minis filled the bag, car, room, and mouth with the smell of freshly baked, slightly aged sticky buns. I love sticky buns. A 6 shooter of b holes will run you $1.59 where a 4 stack of cini minis will set you back $1.07. If you can't tell by now which treat I prefer than you must be on blackout testing mode. The cini minis are an easy win for me. Don't get me wrong, you'll regret eating either of them, but if the option is there, wake up with the king.

Hardee's,

I love your b hole ads, a lot, but I'll be honest, I just don't want your dusty brown balls in my mouth. I'm afraid that when it comes down to it, I just prefer the taste of the King's frosty buns. I'll still watch your ads and laugh internally, but I can't see myself picking you up anytime soon.

Typeface by compact automobile

Rather silly.

You can actually download the font on a Toyota website.

B Holes

A co-worker, Kacie, introduced me to this wacky, highly amusing Biscuit Holes campaign that Hardee's is doing. They've come up with this pretty average doughnut hole breakfast item and have been marketing the heck out of it with hilarious and suggestive ads, flashy websites, naming contests, and talking face wearing balls.

I cruised over to the Hardee's website to see if these delicate holes are breakfast only items and was immediately drawn in by a pair of golden brown, googly eye sporting, jive lipping balls sitting on the counter using a charbroiled 100% black angus burger as a back rest. So like any other gentleman, I poked them with my clicker and was taken to the B Hole naming contest.

A friend, Tim, and I started thinking up names that would go well with these simple yet highly desirable balls. Some of the better names we came up with that I can remember were:

• Pocket Boulders
  
• Chubby Poppers
• Delectaballs

I dare, no challenge, anyone to come up with better names. You think you got the stones to name these holes, lets see them in the comments section. Heck, I may even make a poll to declare a reader favorite if I get enough.

p.s. B holes are only served for breakfast, so much for that late night boulder run.

Fryday Trial - Lunchables

This summer's Fryday trial - Mini Hotdog Lunchables.

The boys are prepped, lined up and eagerly wait for their time in the spotlight.

Just look at the shine off the tip of that dog, such a tease.

It's bath time. They get dropped into the frier where they'll go from a young boy's dream meal to a grown man tranquilizer.

Covered in a golden, crispy, bluff blanket, the boys are displayed elegantly on a platter in hopes to win over an onlookers stomach.

Loaded up with ketchup and mustard, I start doming on some fried lunchables. Once you get past the fluorescent beauty of the fried pocket dog, it's true inner self comes out after the first bite. I was merely masking the truth, which was the fact that it was still a disgusting mini hotdog meant for 5 year olds.

Overall, a fun, entertaining experiment that happened to taste like the bottom of a trash can on a rainy day. Complete success in my book.

One huge success we had came from my cousin Brent; fried oreos. These little melted chocolate funnel cake clouds are enough to make anyone go into cardiac arrest with a smile on their face. However, I advise you eat no more than 1.5 and avoid running into the stomach hurricane.